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When I became a mom, it became my sole mission to do everything within my power to make my family happy. I jumped at every whim they had. I pushed myself to complete massive to-do lists and read every resource on all things homemaking.

This idea of being the perfect stay at home mom completely absorbed my time. I back-burnered EVERYTHING about myself from my hobbies to my natural tendencies. I started comparing myself to people that I thought were doing a better job.

That turned into punishing myself for failing when I didn’t have a perfectly clean house, or my kids weren’t clean in public, or god forbid, they threw a tantrum in the store.

All of my energy went to the pursuit of this idea. The idea that if I tried hard enough I could create this perfect little world. Well, spoiler alert. It didn’t work.

Lack of Self-Care = Mental Health Problems

After years and years of oppressing my desires and trying to convince myself that I was on the right path, I broke. I finally broke to the point of a complete and utter breakdown. That breakdown is the best thing that ever happened to me.

It shattered the idea that I needed to change in order to be the perfect mom for my kids, or the best wife I could be. I broke free from the restraints that I had put on myself about my desires and wants in life. It forced me to start uncovering all of my limiting beliefs and figure out what to do next.

Through this journey, I discovered something HUGE. It all sorts itself if you are leading from a place of authenticity.

Mindfulness in Everyday Life

We can talk about parenting methods all day long. I can give you a list of affirmations to read every day or inspiring podcasts to listen to. We can chat about how to respond appropriately to your spouse during a fight. Practical solutions are great, and I completely believe in using sound advice to better your life.

But the one thing that has really caught me off guard during my journey of self-development is that the expert advice is almost irrelevant when you are leading your life from authenticity and intuition. That mindfulness becomes an integrated part of the process.

When you allow yourself to listen to your heart, all of the doubt and fear melts away. In relationships, in business, even as a Mom.

You begin to connect on a whole new level with the people in your life. Because instead of being caught up in your OWN head about what they think of you, or how your actions are impacting them, the focus has shifted.

There is space to notice the other person. Their tendencies, their responses. What makes them feel uncomfortable, or loved. Because your brain isn’t full of your own doubt and insecurities, you have the opportunity to pay attention to theirs, and then help them through it.

What job could be more important as a Mom or even as a wife than to help the people that you love navigate through hard emotions and learn emotional intelligence, right?

Manifesting Love

One of the biggest ways that this has manifested in my life is with my kids. I used to get so frustrated and feel angry all the time. I couldn’t figure out why my kids pushed my buttons so hard, and honestly I just wanted to escape somehow. This wasn’t how being a mom was supposed to feel.

My days consisted of making food, cleaning, and constantly punishing someone or standing my ground so that my kids didn’t think that they could push me around. It was like torture. I loved my kids, but I found myself wondering what I was doing with my life.

And, while I still have to stand my ground on occassion, more often than not, we solve our problems by talking about the root of the situation. The reality is that most of the fights that I was having with my kids were over the effect, but not the cause.

By that I mean that I was punishing them for whatever they did to lash out, but not really addressing what was causing them to feel frustrated and upset in the first place.

If someone that I loved ignored my emotional needs, I would lash out, too. Once I could recognize that my kids needed me to listen and absorb their reasoning, being a mom got a whole lot easier.

Being able to recognize when my responses were appropriate or not was key to escaping the angry mom lifestyle. Now, my kids don’t feel like they need to act out for attention, and I get to enjoy being a mom instead of suffering through each day. It’s a whole new world.

Without working on my own mindfulness, I may not have ever been able to recognize the triggers of my kids’ bad behaviors and been able to address them appropriately.

Being mindful has also affected my relationship with my husband. Since I feel good about myself for the first time in a long time, I am more invested in our relationship. I’m more affectionate and willing to share my feelings in a way that is healthy and not nagg.

And the really cool thing is that Chris has noticed the effect that personal development hs had in my life, and started making changes for himself because he wants those results, too. It’s just a snowball effect.

Self-Care for Moms

Self-care for moms is about way more than just Mom. We need the time and space to recharge in order to show up and grow into the best that we can be. It’s going to feel hard, but it will be worth the effort!

When I first started spending time on my desires, it felt so selfish. I felt like I was taking something away from the people that I loved. But over time I have learned that without allowing myself to be the person that I truly am, and chase my dreams, I could never become the best version of myself for them.

I urge you to give yourself permission to do something that will fire you up and get you excited about life. Start a business, start working out, join a hobby club. Just take time to refresh and allow yourself the space that you need in order to be a mindful mom. Your family deserves it, and so do you!

Before you go, would you do me a favor? Pin this post to your favorite board on Pinterest!

Self-care for moms can feel like a frivolous thing, but it's more about learning to love yourself than about spa days. These are the surprising benefits that I found when I gave myself the time for personal development and self-care. #sahm #wahm #homemaking

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